Thursday, June 09, 2011

30 days and I still miss you so much

Mak during Mother's Day 2008
The Summit Hotel Subang Jaya
 Today is the 30th day of my mom passing away. I can't help being a bit down. I miss her so very much. It's hard to accept her departure that's so sudden. I am not ready yet to lose her. The thoughts of God knows what's best for us and it's our duty to accept and let go, I console myself that way. Knowing that's she's in a better place. May Allah rest her soul in peace, in Jannatul Firdhaus. She deserves it. I will pray for her till this life ends. 

My Mak with sister, Lyn during Father's Day 2008
The Summit Hotel Subang Jaya 
The first thing when I wake up in the morning, and the last thoughts in my mind before sleep was for my Mom. She's a truly the Queen of my heart. The most genuine of hearts I have ever known. I don't want to cry because I know in my religion, it's not good to cry for the departed. That was God's will. Our time has been set in this world. I understand that, but someone please tell me, how not to cry? How not to cry for someone that is so close to you your whole life. 
During Eid 2008

When I was afraid of the dark, my Mom was there to accompany me. When I was sick, my Mom took care of me. When I feel nobody cares, my Mom showed me, she cared more than anyone else in this world. When I was losing hope, my Mom gave me courage and motivation to carry on. She never really scolded me her whole life. Instead I raised my voice many times towards her. She forgave me every time. There was never shortage of love and devotion towards her children. When I was short of money, my Mom gave me money. When I made bad choices in life, she still forgave me and encouraged me to move on. She never let me down. Where can I find another person like this? How not to cry for her? How not to miss her? Tell me. 

True love. Mak and Abah during my brother's wedding in 2005
 When I was small about to start schooling, I had problems at school. I was a weird shy little person. My Mom sat with me in the classroom until I was in my Standard 2 (8-year old). Two years my family had tried to get me into school but I was too stubborn and shy to attend one. I will not go unless my Mom go with me. But finally, she made me understand the importance of education and I excelled tremendously afterwards. She patiently encouraged me to be brave and and not to be afraid of anything. I got my first education from my Mom. She thought me everything about life. Her whole life was dedicated towards her children. And I will never ever going to forget that. 

I adore her so much. I want my generation to know what a wonderful person my mother was. She had great character that should be amulet by anyone who is to become a Mom someday. Besides being a Supermom, she was also an entrepreneur. She had her own food business. She started a frozen food business all by her own effort and it was a great success. Many of my friends had tried her products and liked it a lot. It was sold at a wonderfully reasonable price. I am happy that now my eldest sister Along is continuing my mom's legacy in frozen food. 

My Mom's frozen food business was running successfully until she started to lose her energy and fell really ill in 2009. However, the wealth that she gained from her business, never much spent on herself, instead, she was a philanthropist who spent a lot on poor people in the village she stayed in. Sometimes, we would borrow money from her and of course she would never ask it back.  She always advised us in business we should never overpriced our customer. We should always be afraid of God, so never ever overpriced nor cheat our customers. She said in every profit, there should always be part of it that should go to the poor. She reminded us always to pay Zakat in order to prosper in life. This advice, I will never forget and shall preach to all my generations to come. 
Mak was a funny person. Nobody jokes like my Mom.
We enjoyed all her jokes because it was spontaneous and genuine. 

I miss her laughter whenever we told her silly jokes or when she made a spontaneous joke that made us all laughing like crazy. She likes to sing when she does her work. She can make a child sleep with her soothing voice. I miss that too. I miss laying on bed with her every time I came home for a visit. It was always her bedroom and beside her I lay to tell her stories and she told me hers. Sometimes, all of us siblings fought to have the best spot on bed  beside our mother to catch up with news. 

I miss all her nagging about getting married to the right guy that will look after me. I thought I will have the chance to snap wedding photos with my father on the rightside and my mother on the leftside. I thought she would be around to witness it. I thought I still have the time. I thought.... HOW WOULD I KNOW!

Now, it's just a thought. I feel so much alone. Never in my whole life I would imagine this time would come. I am so alone. So so lonely without my mother. I love her so much. I will miss her until I myself leave this world. May Allah have mercy and bless her soul. She deserve Jannatul Firdhaus for all the good and sacrifices she made. Amin... 

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