Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Goodbye Queen of My Heart

My mom looked so happy in this candid photo
I wonder how people say goodbye to their most beloved person in life. How do people mend a broken heart when losing the most significant soul that brought life onto them. 

My heart ached every morning when I wake up and still I feel the unexplained pain when going to bed at night. The pain was from the innermost of depth, a place you only reserve for the most special person, one and only, there will never be another. And now that place is forever empty, irreplaceable. Finally I know what it means to lose a person forever in one's life. 

My mom was married to my father when she was only 18 years old. They were married out of true love that had survived throughout the test of time. I have seen how strong and passionate their love had been. Nothing can separate these two, from Peninsular Malaysia to Borneo to Indonesia and back, they were still intact. Come what may; fortune and poverty, happiness and sadness, health and sickness, ups and down of life and whatever storm, they faced it together with devotion and stronger bondage. 

A very dedicated grandma. All grandchildren loved her.
My father had his heart bypass surgery 6 years ago. My mom took care of him night and day. And when my mom fell sick, my father was devoted to her night and day nursing her to be better. It was pain itself to watch how my father struggled with his feelings. All of us family was struggling with our own pain and it was the hardest to watch our father's. 

My view of love and life, always based on what I had seen and learned from my mother. She's my teacher, my comfort and my saviour. In our family of 9 siblings, not many had the chance to be breast fed fully. I was one of the lucky 3. Only 3 of us was breastfed fully. Not an ounce of dairy milk came into my body when I was a toddler. I had great bond towards my mother because of this. All of us in fact. We are a very close knitted family. Love is always the big theme. It's all about love. The Queen of our heart. My Beloved Mak.   

The last Eid we spent together in 2010.
Not a complete family photo.
She had excellent talents in cooking, sewing, craft and gardening. She was like a superwoman that can do almost anything she put her heart into. I inherited most of these talents but one, i.e. cooking. I can never be as good as her. I thanked her for giving me such special gifts. God knows, I was grateful to her because out of these talents, I earned my living now. 

I only have one parent now. I want to take great care of him. I want to spend as much as my time with him. He's my only comfort and joy at this moment. People say, memories are best created together with your loved ones. I understand it better now. Time is very precious. If only I could turn back the time, I would be the happiest. But such is the way of this life, we are living here merely to head towards our death. What matters are what we did while we are still living. Things that can be remembered for generations to come after us. It really makes me think deeply, person such as my mother will be remembered in our generations many years ahead of time for a wonderful, generous, loveable person she was.

She passed away exactly a day after Mother's Day Celebration. I came home on that day to celebrate with her. I brought KFC her favourite fried chicken and a bowl of chicken porridge, but she couldn't even touch the food. We were sleepless till morning arise and she gave her last breath in the arms of all her children at approximately 11am, 9th May 2011.

May my mother's soul be rest in peace in Jannatul Firdhaus. I pray for her everyday and continue to pray everyday till death do me part. Al-Fatihah. Amin.

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